Hail To The District writer Dash Kannan is back, providing his predictions and thoughts for each game on the slate for Week 4 of the 2016 NFL season.
After two straight weeks of 0.500 ball, I return in Week 4 to try to finally get over the hump. Who really knows if that’ll happen? Only people I can think of are God, Roger Goodell, and Jacoby… Brady.
Miami Dolphins at Cincinnati Bengals (-7.5) — (Editor’s Note: pick made on Wednesday): The Bengals are coming off a horrible defensive performance against Trevor Siemian, and it’s finally time to say Marvin Lewis’s time may be up in the queen city. The loss of Jay Gruden, Mike Zimmer, and Hue Jackson from the coaching staff along with the countless years of undisciplined play from his team has played a large part in this. But they win easily this week. I don’t believe in Miami at all.
Indianapolis Colts at Jacksonville Jaguars (+2.5) — This is the first game of the year in London so the Jaguars probably win this because the suck in America. Maybe they just suck all across the world…but the Colts are so inconsistent especially with that offensive line still not fixed. Maybe this is the week Jalen Ramsey talks trash after a win instead of a loss. But maybe not.
Cleveland Browns at Washington Redskins (-8) — After a season saving win in the Meadowlands, Kirk Cousins and the gang come home to shut out a Browns team that is without Corey Coleman and has rookie quarterback Cody Kessler starting. Although the Redskins’ record against rookie quarterbacks has been noticeably awful in recent years, I don’t believe the Browns have much to win this game other than Terrelle Pryor going off.
Buffalo Bills at New England Patriots (-5.5) — The Patriots can’t possibly be 4-0 without Tom Brady right? Why do I even bother picking against Bill Beli-genius?
Seattle Seahawks at New York Jets (-2.5) — The Jets rebound from an absolutely cringe-worthy performance by Ryan Fitzpatrick last week against a hobbled Russell Wilson or Trevone Boykin. That defensive line is going to have a field day this week.
Carolina Panthers at Atlanta Falcons (-3)– The Panthers are teetering at 1-2, but they reassert themselves in a dominant way this week. I expect Cam Newton to do whatever he damn pleases against that Falcons defense.
Detroit Lions at Chicago Bears (+3) — How did the NFL’s most winningest franchise become so irrelevant? It started with the Bears getting rid of Brandon Marshall… and Greg Olsen… and Martellus Bennett… and Matt Forte. The Bears are doodoo.
Tennessee Titans at Houston Texans (-5) — With the news coming out late Tuesday night that JJ Watt is expected to miss the rest of the years after complications from his back surgery over the offseason, I think it’s time to write the Texans off. Brock Osweiler does not look like the $18 million/year quarterback that he was paid like.
Oakland Raiders at Baltimore Ravens (-3.5) — I’ve never appreciate John Harbaugh as a coach this much until this year. The Ravens simply do not make mistakes. I do think the Raiders are too talented to lose this game, but they’ll have to play mistake free football.
Denver Broncos at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+3) — Jameis Winston is really good for a second year quarterback, but he’s still going through going pains as we saw against the Cardinals and the Rams. The Denver defense is going to give them a sizeable advantage in games and Trevor Siemian has proven once again that John Elway is a genius.
Dallas Cowboys at San Francisco 49ers (+3) — Colin Kaepernick will start the second half of this game and lead the 49ers to victory. He will rush for a touchdown and kneel with his fist in the air… while the 49ers fight song is playing.
New Orleans Saints at San Diego Chargers (-3.5) — As long as the Saints’ defense is this bad, even the worst of teams will have a chance to take down Drew Brees. But I don’t know if the Chargers have enough offensive firepower to keep up. I’m more intrigued to see if Joey Bosa plays this weekend for San Diego.
Los Angeles Rams at Arizona Cardinals (-8) — After getting pasted last week by the Bills, the Cardinals look to rebound against the NFC West leading…Los Angeles Rams. Jeff Fisher has won his traditional Seahawks game of the year and even beat up on a weak Tampa Bay team so he’s well on his way to another 7-9 season and a contract extension.
Kansas City Chiefs at Pittsburgh Steelers (-5.5) — In the biggest surprise of the young NFL season, the Eagles clobbered the Steelers last week 34-3. This week with Le’Veon Bell coming back, the Steelers return to their usual ways of clobbering teams.
New York Giants at Minnesota Vikings (-4.5) — If Odell Beckham was frustrated and cried against the Redskins defense (albeit against the presence of his nemesis Josh Norman), imagine what’s going to happen against the Vikings defense. Maybe he’ll punch the bench and that’ll hit him in the face too.
Last Week: 7-7
Season To Date: 15-15